How NOT To Write GG FanFiction
by HarajukuOtaku
Summary: Ever look at someone's fanfic and think "What on EARTH were they thinking?" Ever want to write your own fanfiction without becoming a total cliche? Here's your guide!  Note: Specifically for Zammie FF, but could really work with any pairing.


**A.N: I am totally not saying that any story with some of these elements is bad, I'm really, really not. This is just a…social commentary on what I found when I decided to see what fans were doing with the characters of Ally Carter. Don't take it personally if one of these is similar to yours; characterization and writing skill trump plot in fanfiction every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Before we begin, I have seen all of these before. Everything that happens in this guide has happened in a fic on this website (though not all together, mind you). No offence is intended; I'm just having some fun.**

**Disclaimer: I disclaim.**

You have decided to write Gallagher Girl fanfiction. Congratulations, this is a big step-up from fangirling and writing your Zach-themed dreams in your journal. You have decided to revolve your story around a relationship commonly known as "Zammie". This is even braver, and I commend you for it. Take care, however, that you do avoid horrible sterotypes. Here are some brief overviews of the more common ones, and the points awarded to each. The more points you earn, the better it will be for the world if you scrap it. So, without further ado:

_THE BETRAYAL:_

He's been lying and cheating this entire time? Cammie angsts about how life is unfair and how men are scummy and jerkish, and then proceeds to kiss his friend/enemy/rival just to tick him off. She may also beat up the 'other woman', especially if other woman is Bex/Macey/Liz/Rachel. 1 bonus point awarded if Cammie swears off men forever, two bonus points if she turns to Solomon for emotional comfort. LAME METER: 2/10, plus bonuses if applicable.

_THE SPY BOY/NORMAL GIRL (may also be spy girl/normal boy):_

He must turn her into a spy so they can be together…also, it's really easy because she has hitherto unknown physical skills and a brilliant mind. One bonus point if one of her parents is a secret spy. Two points if both of her parents are. If neither of his parents are spies/involved in the covert ops, you have hit the poor-planning trifecta. Do not pass go. LAME METER: 4/10, plus bonuses if applicable.

_GG5/6: INSTERT PLAY-ON-PROVERB HERE:_

Based on absolutely no evidence/foreshadowing in books 1-4, major plot twists happen. Also, Cammie and Zach have twins, with at least one named after people that die in the climactic, 2-paragraph final battle. One bonus point if either Cammie/Zach die. Two bonus points if they tell what happens after the battle from heaven. LAME METER: 5/10, plus bonuses if applicable.

_THE CRACKFIC:_

These are brought on my too much Ben&Jerry's before bed and the dreams that follow. Here, Cammie's dad is a crossdresser and is also Buckingham/Zach's mom/etc. Also, Liz ends up with Josh. One bonus impossibility point if he's actually Rachel (Poor Solomon!). Two bonus points if there's at least one secretly gay character, 3 bonus points if it's Solomon. **(A.N: I'm not making fun of gay characters, I'm saying that there is no basis for one in any of the books.)** LAME METER: 6/10, plus bonus points if applicable.

_THE SONG FIC:_

(If the song is by Taylor Swift, see next category)

This syrupy mess of a FanFic is either:

Angsty. Zach and Cammie are done forever, so she must listen to an angsty song on Macey's or Bex's iPod. And relate it to her life through thought as it plays. One bonus point if there is a reference to suicide in the song.

'Empowering'. Zach and Cammie are done…and she's glad! He was holding her back. In order to assert her Femininity and total independence from men and the social confines of the world after listening to an upbeat song on Macey's/Bex's iPod, she becomes a (cough) dancer (cough) named La'ta'sha'a at a club in Roseville. One bonus point if she meets Zach there and sings a song to him onstage, saying how she's so much better since he left.

Sad. Zach/Rachel/Bex/Liz/Macey/Abby/Solomon is dead. Cammie, grief stricken and torn, turns on Macey's/Bex's (blasted!) iPod and cries herself to sleep in the arms of whomever is currently dead/dying. One bonus point if the song is 'Boston' by Augustana. LAME METER (it's the same for all of them): 8/10. Bonuses if applicable

_THE TAYLOR SWIFT SONGFIC:_

Just stop now, for the love of all that is good and holy. Please, nothing good can come of this unholy conglomeration of all three types of song-fics. Whatever you write, no matter how talented you are, will be worthy of a CMA (someone, somewhere, will lose their car/job/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/dog/Mom/Dad) and will thus be party to a tired plot and OOC characters. Stop. Now. One bonus point for each item lost (see list above), two bonus points if song used is "Picture to Burn" "White House" or "Teardrops on My Guitar". LAME METER: 11/10. One bonus point if Cammie writes an email/letter with the song lyrics in there.

There you have it; all you need to know to _not_ do to write good GG fanfiction. Sure, most of your savvy will come in time, but by avoiding these tropes, you can ensure that no one will click the X button just because they already know how it ends. Add up your points; there should be a maximum of 65, perish the thought. And for those of you that discount my advice…well…you'll realize that karma can get you "Better Than Revenge" can. ;) Try Adele, Taylor Swift fans. Less syrupy, better voice.

**Read and Review, Please! If you see any tropes I missed, please put them in the comments. Let others bask in your wisdom.**


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